Lights, Lights, Lights!

When it comes to budgeting and planning, an aspect many couples overlook is lighting. However, since almost every venue can benefit from lighting of some sort, incorporating finances and planning time for the task is almost never wasted effort.

Lighting in venues usually consists of fluorescent or dim bulbs. These options tend to wash things out or not really provide too much light, resulting in photos appearing dim. Moreover, this lighting may only come in one brightness level – very high and without dimmer switches – and color – stark white - resulting in your venue’s ambiance appearing hospital-like.

There are three main types of lighting that can enhance the overall ambiance and design of a wedding:

Uplighting

This type of lighting provides just what its name suggests – lights that shine upward. For example, uplighting can be placed on the floor to shimmer up the side of a wall or on a tent pole to enhance the tent’s roof angle.

There are two main types of uplighting: LED lights and parcans. LED lights tend to provide very strong light, but come in shades of color that can be tweaked to reach the perfect color of the couple’s choice. Parcans, however, tend to be weaker in the brightness of the color they provide, making them perfect for shorter buildings. Yet, parcans only come in a few colors, making color choice limited.

The color of either type of uplighting need not be permanent throughout the wedding. It is quite common for a couple to choose one color for their uplighting during the cocktail hour and another for the reception, with the color change occurring during any room flipping. Usually, the color for the cocktail hour is neutral, such as amber, while that for the reception is more party-centric, such a pink or purple.

Pinspot

Pinspot lights shine down from above to highlight a specific object or space, appearing much like a small spotlight. Usually, they are placed above a table to showcase a floral arrangement or a cake, whatever is on the center of the table. This type of lighting is particularly useful to highlight those items upon which you spent a lot of money. Usually, they only come in white.

Dance Floor Wash

This type of lighting shines multiple lights onto a dance floor, either to create a more party-like atmosphere. It is also used in situations in which there is not a specific dance floor due to the venue’s floor lending itself to dancing without installing a specific dance floor , such as a marble floor. In this instance, it is used to identify a set-aside space for dancing.

Dance floor washes are available in a variety of colors, both neutral and bright. Many times, couples use it to darken a space, which typically leads to more guests dancing.

How and Where to Use Lighting

Lighting should be placed in areas where guests may mingle, such as cocktail hour spaces, balconies, and the reception area, as well as in areas that you would like to create ambiance and increase safety, such as staircases. When choosing where to put lighting, think about where your guests will spend time and how you want that space to feel.

Lighting Cost and Installation

You can spend anywhere from approximately the same what you spent on your cake to thousands of dollars on lighting. If your budget doesn’t allow for much lighting, go with uplighting as it tends to provide the most light and ambiance at the lowest cost.

Most DJs can provide basic lighting. However, if you seek something more complex or a combination of multiple lighting types, hire a lighting expert. These experts not only have experience on what to set up where for the most effect, but also work with venue managers to determine any extra power requirements necessary to install the lighting for your event.

Raising the Bar on your Bar’s Decor

Many times, although décor is painstakingly planned for every part of a wedding, couples overlook adorning the bar. The bar, however, is often a place where every guest travels and also where many stay for lengthy periods of time. As such, it provides the perfect backdrop to add special elements to or tie in your wedding’s theme.

Decorating a bar does not need to be difficult, mainly because the space does not require anything overly intricate or detailed.  After all, the main focus of the bar is serving drinks and something intricate or detailed may just get in the bartender’s way. In fact, you may find that large or complex decorations are removed to ease the bartender’s work or are knocked over by eager guests.

Our guidance, therefore, is to keep items simple and low. Simple because there is less chance of the décor getting in the way and low because a bartender can pass drinks over it, leading to the bar not becoming smaller even though adorned. Décor ideas meeting these two recommendations include:

Jars containing candy or other snacks: a low, crystal or glass bowl containing your favorite treat will quickly be emptied by guests. The same is true for small plates of appetizers that can be periodically refreshed throughout the evening because, trust us, bar dwellers love to munch!

Plate(s) of chocolates: a small plate or two of your favorite chocolates will quickly disappear. Chocolates are better served on a plate so that they can be easily accessed and won’t melt together should the room become warm.

Photos: framed pictures of the couple or other important members of their family, such a children or pets, give guests something fun to look at and discuss while waiting for drinks. Just make sure that the photos are no larger than 5x7 so that it remains out of the guests’ and bartenders’ way. Along these lines, you can frame two of your wedding invitations and flank both ends of the bar with them.

Fun straws: fun unique straws in a decorated holder catch the eye and serve a purpose: making drinks more fun and entertaining! Remember, bars serve more than just alcoholic drinks, so these straws can be quite a hit with kids.

Mad libs or other games: if you want to make sure that guests remain entertained while hanging out at the bar or waiting for their drinks, place mad libs designed for your wedding or other similar games, such as “Would you Rather” question cards, in a bowl or other small container. At the end of the night, you will likely that find these games were spread throughout the reception, proving just how entertaining they were.

Song request cards: allow guests to think of their favorite songs while ordering their drink and write them down to later hand the DJ. The result will be a packed dance floor: guests love to dance to their favorites! 

Now, those recommendations are for the bar itself. Sometimes, though, you’ve got space on either side of or behind the bar that just begs for décor. Behind the bar, a projected monogram, photos, or slideshow give guests something to look at that is entertaining and couple-focused. On the areas surrounding the bar, try providing candy bars (chocolate on one side, non-chocolate on the other), snacks or games. These will entertain guests without creating too much of a traffic jam because of their placement.

Flowers on a Budget

When it comes to wedding flowers, some brides cringe. It’s difficult (we know and understand) to spend money on something that will only last for a few hours – no matter how beautiful or necessary. However, since few weddings are entirely flower-free, it’s usually a necessary evil to open the wedding budget to include flowers.

Fortunately, this does not mean that wedding flowers need to break the bank. In fact, there are several easy ways to cut down on the cost of flowers.

Go small: small bouquets and boutonnieres show up just as much and as well as larger ones during the ceremony and in photos. Usually, cutting down on the size of a bouquet and boutonniere can reduce their cost by $2-$3 each. 

Don’t provide for everyone: sure, your bridesmaids may need a bouquet, but does each of your groomsmen really need a boutonniere? What about Aunt Ida and your grandmother, do they really need a small bouquet? Chances are that they’ll be just fine without one, especially if you explain budgetary restrictions to them.

Repurpose: altar arrangements look great on bars, bouquets can be used on the cake table or as centerpieces, and boutonnieres can actually be used to surround the cake or on buffet tables. Guests love seeing the bouquets and other flowers up close, so don’t hesitate to allow those costly blooms to work double time.

Use more than just flowers to decorate tables: long ago, brides discovered that non-floral arrangements on tables looked just fine, if not more interesting. Mirrors, candles, and photo frames can often be bought in bulk, reducing the per-table decoration cost.

However, if intricate or large, alternative arrangements can become just as expensive as flowers. To avoid this, make sure to do a total cost calculation of the items you would like to use as centerpieces prior to purchasing them. Once you have the total cost, divide it by your number of tables to obtain a per-table cost. If this cost is approximately the same as the estimate provided to you by a florist (usually around $200 per table), consider scaling down your design.

Buy used: if you’re in love with non-floral arrangements adorning your tables, consider buying used décor. Websites such as NextWed have vases, mirrors, and even gently used candles for a fraction of what they cost new.

I recently discussed a newlywed’s wedding flowers and fell in love with how she purchased her flowers:

First, she found a local floral wholesaler and visited them during the day. While there, she wrote down the names and per-stem cost of the flowers that she liked that fit her general color scheme.

Next, she went home and calculated the per-item bouquet and boutonniere cost for the flowers she liked the most. When she found that it was too high for her liking, she substituted cheaper flowers from her previously created list. This way, she tweaked the cost of adorning her wedding party until it coincided with what she wanted to spend.

Third, she researched the cost of vases for her table centerpieces by checking Craigslist and NextWed. On those sites, she found she could obtain vases and other glass flower holders for a dollar each. She then calculated the total amount having three vases of each type and cost that she selected on each table.

Fourth, finding the per-table vase cost acceptable, she returned to her floral list and chose a single or two blooms to insert into each vase. She tweaked the list of what she wanted for each table until it met her budget.

Fifth, after having created her bouquets, boutonnieres, and table arrangements, she turned to her ceremony site.  With what remained of her budget she decided upon using a single bag of rose petals (which she had priced at the wholesaler) for the aisle. She also liked the idea of roping off the aisle, and returned once more to the web to find cloth for that purpose. The cost of the cloth was $10.

Next, she detailed where flowers would be repurposed to ensure she had enough. Bouquets were sent to the cake table while boutonnieres graced the space between buffet stations.

Seventh, she calculated the total cost for all of her flowers and items required to display or use those flowers: $600. Finding that acceptable, she placed an order at the wholesaler for the items she chose and asked her maid of honor to assist with creating bouquets the night before the wedding. The maid of honor’s thank-you gift for helping was dinner and a nice bottle of wine to imbibe while piecing together flowers from the bride’s list.

Finally, when all was said and done, she returned to the Internet and NextWed to re-sell the items she could. Overall, she recouped $200.

Viola! The bride spent $400 on flowers for an outdoor wedding for 150 people. How impressive is that?!

Integrating East and West

Recently, I attended the wedding of a Texas-born Indian bride to a Florida-born groom. Although completely modern in their personal styles, the bride took the wonderful and incredibly fun step of incorporating several Indian marriage rights and cultural elements into her wedding. 

What was so great about her incorporation was the fact that it was seamless, engaged everyone, showed the couple’s personality, and in no way made anyone uncomfortable or confused. Upon leaving the reception, I decided that the items she chose and methods she used were the perfect representation of how to blend East and West into a wedding:

Choose Simple Elements

Explain Those Elements

Incorporate Other Personality or Heritage Traits

Indian wedding ceremonies can span several days. This bride’s did too, but didn’t include every celebration normally occurring during a traditional Indian wedding week. In actuality, the bride only had a Mehndi party. This party, which involves painting the hands and feet of the bride with henna, was held on Thursday. According to tradition, only women attended and the bride wore Indian dress. Although very few guests had ever been to a Mehndi party before, because it was held earlier in the week and had a relaxed atmosphere, none felt awkward and everyone joined in decorating hands, feet, or ankles.

During the ceremony, the bride and groom participated in a short Indian ceremony: the groom presented the bride with a gold heart-shaped charm. This event was short and, because its elements and meaning were explained in the ceremony program, all guests understood what was occurring and why. Trust me when I say that there were more than a few tears in guests’ eyes when the groom placed the charm around the bride’s neck.

During the entrance, the bride surprised everyone by changing out of her traditional, white American wedding gown and veil and into a red sari. She surprised everyone even more by busting out a few dance moves that perfectly evoked Bollywood during her entrance. Combining the surprise and dancing energy increased the excitement in the reception hall and truly got the party started. There was no dull moment in that reception!

Did I forget to mention that the groom changed out of his western suit and into a Sherwani for the reception? To the American eye, a Sherwani looks like a long coat over a pair of snug-fitting trousers. The transformation from West to East, therefore, was complete and uniform by the time the couple entered the reception.

The couple chose a cake topper that was pure Indian and placed it atop a traditional, white (and ridiculously yummy) cake. Once again, West and East met.

Numerous Bollywood-esque songs were played during the reception. Indian and non-Indian guests alike participated in making the dance floor scorching hot during those songs.

The couple also introduced several Florida and Texas elements: bar-b-que was served for dinner and maps of Florida and Texas acted as guest books. The wedding, therefore, wasn’t just a blend of East and West, but also a blend of the bride and groom.

The way the couple blended East, West, and other aspects of their background made sense and was fun. However it also reflected their personality and helped guests get a sense of whom they truly were.

The Bridal Shower

Arranged marriages began to decline in American in the 1800s. With their demise, so too ended the tradition of a bridal dowry. In turn, this meant that brides were no longer sent to their new husband’s household with a multitude of items and money to help set up a home.

Yet, brides still needed something to bring with them to their new home, especially since society wasn’t quite yet prepared for them to contribute to a marriage by working outside the home. The result: bridal showers.

Bridal showers developed as a way for friends and family to provide gifts to a bride who would otherwise lack worldly goods to bring with her when officially a wife. For this reason, guests at a bridal shower are expected to bring a gift. Additionally, most gifts are designed for domestic use, usually in the kitchen (the bride’s traditional domain).

This history behind bridal showers means that there are a few rules for guests, the hostess(es) and the bride:

For Guests

Gifts are expected. The term “shower” refers to “showering the bride with gifts”, which is, as is know known, akin to providing her with a dowry. An invitation to a bridal shower requires bringing a gift with you to the event. In fact, shipping one before hand is pretty much a no-no unless it was mailed because it was fragile or easier to travel without and will be available at the event to open. Don’t be the guest who didn’t provide a gift for the bride to open - the discomfort isn’t worth it.

Gifts should be from the registry. A bride sets up and creates a registry to tell guests what she needs for her “dowry”. Respect her time, consideration, and energy by sticking to the list.

A helping hand is always appreciated. A gracious guest offers to help in whatever way she can, even if it’s just to carry a plate of sandwiches to the buffet table. This demonstrates an appreciation for the hostesses and a desire to create a great experience for and take care of the bride.

For Hostesses

Provide shopping guidance. Its entirely acceptable – even desired by most guests – to tell invitees where the bride is registered. After all, how else will they know where to shop so that they can stick to the bride’s list?

Expect gifts. Even if the bride has specified that guests should not bring gifts to the shower, some will. After all, it’s tradition to do so. Have a designated space set aside to receive gifts and allocate time to open them before the guests.

For the Bride

Register with a nod to tradition. Tradition dictates that gifts be domestic-focused. In fact, many bridal shower guests expect to gift something to be used in a kitchen, bedroom or bathroom. Even if you need absolutely nothing for any of those rooms, register for items to fit in them anyway and plan on (secretly) returning them in the future. Many guests, especially elderly ones, are offended if all you register for are items they deem unnecessary (such as an Xbox). This doesn’t mean that all of your gifts have to be traditional.

Don’t expect a lack of gifts. For the most part, shower guests are familiar with the need to bring a gift. Therefore, stating that no gifts should be brought might not be as effective as anticipated. If a guest brings a gift in contravention to instructions otherwise, graciously accept and open it in her presence.

Open those gifts. Part of a shower is allowing guests to see what was gifted. Guests like this because it helps them see the bride’s “dowry” and check out new gadgets and products. It’s not conceited or show-offish to open gifts before shower guests.

The most important part for all hostesses, guests, and the bride is to have fun. A shower is a celebratory event, after all! 

Maids of Honor and Special Privileges

If you watch TLC, you know that “Friday is Bride Day.” Typically, this means marathon runs of “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaid Edition” for a good 24 hours.

When watching one such marathon a few weeks ago (during lunch! I didn’t spend ALL DAY watching!), I was struck by the Maids of Honor in many a “Bridesmaid Edition” episode. These ladies seemed to feel themselves entitled to provide input for, dictate, or choose numerous aspects of the bride’s wedding, including bridesmaid dresses, bridesmaid accessories, and – shockingly – the hierarchy of other bridesmaids. In one episode, two bridesmaids started bickering in a wedding dress shop over which one should be designated the Maid of Honor. Can you imagine the bride’s horror? On “Say Yes to the Dress” this entitlement often took the form of the Maid of Honor believing she had the right to veto or approve a bride’s choice of gown.

If you’ve read the 2013 Summer/Fall edition of Washingtonian Bride and Groom, you’ll likely have encountered the article discussing how brides should treat their Maid of Honor. I liked this article (which appears near the end of the publication) because it provides a semi-gentle reminder of the fact that brides need to treat their attendants, and especially their Maid of Honor, with respect and gratitude. This includes not being too demanding, understanding the attendant’s budgetary limitations, and not expecting a Maid of Honor to drop everything at any time to help with wedding plans.

But, what about how the Maid of Honor should treat a bride? This, in my opinion, is as important a topic that which the Washingtonian article addressed. And so, brides, here is guidance about how your Maid of Honor should behave:

She should be polite and courteous at all times to everyone: this includes bridesmaids they don’t like, family members who are being overly demanding or aggravating either the bride or groom, and vendors who are rude. This rule isn’t too surprising given that politeness is expected in society; however, a Maid of Honor has a special place in a wedding and is often viewed as a semi-representative of the bride, especially if the bride is running the show with no wedding planner. Therefore, it’s particularly important that a Maid of Honor always be on her best behavior.

She should keep her opinions about the couple to herself and smile: nobody wants to know if she thinks the bride and groom shouldn’t get married or won’t last long, if the décor is satisfactory, or what she would have done to plan the wedding.

She should accept whatever dress and accessories the bride selects: remember “27 Dresses”? In that role, Katherine Heigel states something along the lines of “It’s their day. I want to be there for my friends; if they want me to wear a silly dress, what do I care?” This should be every Maid of Honor’s modus operandi.

This doesn’t mean that a bride can’t ask her Maid of Honor to help select bridesmaid dresses or that the Maid of Honor can’t provide a gentle, honest opinion about which dress she prefers. What it DOES mean, however, is that the Maid of Honor can’t throw a fit about a bride’s choice or have specific requirements (long, short, one-shoulder) about the dress. Think of it this way: the Maid of Honor doesn’t know every aspect of the wedding, how would she know what dress will fit best with the wedding’s atmosphere and décor?

She should do what is expected or asked of by the bride – provided she has agreed: this includes throwing a bridal shower and organizing a bachelorette party, if the bride so desires. It also includes completing any tasks that she has willingly taken upon herself. Note: “willingly taken upon”. This means that she must complete, in a timely manner, those tasks that she has agreed to perform – meaning, in turn, that the bride must ASK her for assistance or she must offer her help.

She should be available on the day of the wedding: this essentially means being at the bride’s beck-and-call. Although a Maid of Honor may have family members, children, or a date, what comes first on the day of the wedding is the bride. Anyone accompanying her should understand this. This may mean that her children need a babysitter or at the very least to have someone specifically assigned to caring for them.

She should be timely: please, please, please, be on time. It sets the example for the rest of the bridesmaids and helps the bride be on time. This is respectful of the bride’s hard work in creating a timeline so that her day goes off without a hitch.

She should be happy: if she can’t be happy for the couple or can’t stop focusing on herself, she never should have accepted being a Maid of Honor.

Reviewing all these “shoulds” reveals a common link: selflessness. A Maid of Honor is, first and foremost, selfless when it comes to helping the bride both before and on the wedding day.

So, what is a bride to do if she learns that her Maid of Honor is less than desirable? Talk to her calmly and gently, explaining what she would like and how she’d prefer her planning with her Maid of Honor to progress. If the Maid of Honor isn’t receptive, it might be time to appoint another (either in addition to or in lieu of) bridesmaid to the job who the bride believes might be more helpful. 

“It may seem odd, but….”

The venue is gorgeous, but where do you put a dance floor?

For many couples, venue searching is (hands down, usually) THE most stressful aspect of wedding planning. After all, venue searching presents the perfect trifecta for wedding stress: size, cost, and appeal. Sheesh!

There are the regular questions to ask at a venue:

How many people can the space hold?

What space will I be allowed to use for a cocktail hour?

Are there any restrictions on event times?

Where are the guest bathrooms?

Are there any noise restrictions?

How do you handle parking?

What tables and chairs come with the space?

However, there are also a few unique questions to ask. These questions provide in-depth information about the venue, which can help couples feel more secure when making a choice.

What entrance do servers use? The means by which servers enter and exit the kitchen should be unobtrusive. A doorway in the middle of a venue can result in servers being the main item in photos or numerous run-ins between guests and servers.

What permits do I need? Most hotels are set up for events and do not require couples to acquire special permits for their ceremony or reception. This is not always the case for private clubs, museums, or other special venues. For these locations, couples might be required to obtain alcohol or special-event permits.

Where is the band or DJ usually located? Power, amplification, and speaker placement are key to ensuring that reception music can be heard and enjoyed. Most venues have a specific location (or two) where a band or DJ works best, but some might not. This may affect the ability to use the space or require more thought about floor plan layout.

Where is the dance floor typically placed? At most receptions, the dance floor is centrally located. However, if the venue has an out-of-way location for the band or DJ, the dance floor might not be adjacent to the music source.

Are there any changes or renovations planned between now and my event? Although venues cannot predict emergency repairs or changes, and although some might not know of the property owner’s future plans, most venues have a good idea of any changes, renovations, or construction that will occur within the next year. Changes or renovations may impact the color scheme, size, view, or availability of a space – all of which can seriously affect a reception.

Where are cocktail musicians usually placed? Where musicians will be located during a cocktail reception is often overlooked because most venues do not have a specific location for placement. In this case, ask for several location options and also inquire into how cocktail tables, food stations, and bars would be set up in these circumstances. If the venue has a piano, ask whether it can be moved and, if so, to where so that it can still be played.

What are the limitations regarding floral arrangements? Florists are usually familiar with local venues, but don’t necessarily know every rule for every location. Additionally, rules can change on the venue’s whim. Ask for a list of what flowers and other décor (including candles with open flames) that you can and cannot have at the venue and whether that list is subject to change.

Does any furniture stay in the room? Inquire into what the venue will let you move out of the reception and cocktail spaces and what must stay. Large tables, chests, or heavy pieces can often not be moved, which not only impacts décor but also table layout.

Are there restrictions on how the furniture that stays can be used?  The grand table that stays in the room might be beautiful, but you might not be able to place any food or drinks on it. That may mean that it can only be used for place cards, which you had in mind to put somewhere else. Asking how you can use furniture that stays in the room tells you how you must arrange your cocktail hour and reception spaces.

Where do you typically place bars in this space? Nothing can impede a room’s flow more than having bars placed in awkward areas. Ask not only where bars have been placed in the past, but also where they are prohibited from being located and how servers access them. This ensures that drinks are easily delivered to your guests in a timely manner.

Choosing a venue is a difficult decision. The more a couple knows about a space and how it can be used, the easier it is to select a reception location.