If you watch TLC, you know that “Friday is Bride Day.”
Typically, this means marathon runs of “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Say Yes to
the Dress: Bridesmaid Edition” for a good 24 hours.
When watching one such marathon a few weeks ago (during
lunch! I didn’t spend ALL DAY watching!), I was struck by the Maids of Honor in
many a “Bridesmaid Edition” episode. These ladies seemed to feel themselves
entitled to provide input for, dictate, or choose numerous aspects of the
bride’s wedding, including bridesmaid dresses, bridesmaid accessories, and –
shockingly – the hierarchy of other bridesmaids. In one episode, two
bridesmaids started bickering in a wedding dress shop over which one should be
designated the Maid of Honor. Can you imagine the bride’s horror? On “Say Yes
to the Dress” this entitlement often took the form of the Maid of Honor
believing she had the right to veto or approve a bride’s choice of gown.
If you’ve read the 2013 Summer/Fall edition of Washingtonian
Bride and Groom, you’ll likely have encountered the article discussing how
brides should treat their Maid of Honor. I liked this article (which appears
near the end of the publication) because it provides a semi-gentle reminder of
the fact that brides need to treat their attendants, and especially their Maid
of Honor, with respect and gratitude. This includes not being too demanding,
understanding the attendant’s budgetary limitations, and not expecting a Maid
of Honor to drop everything at any time to help with wedding plans.
But, what about how the Maid of Honor should treat a bride?
This, in my opinion, is as important a topic that which the Washingtonian article
addressed. And so, brides, here is guidance about how your Maid of Honor should
behave:
She should be polite and courteous at all times to everyone:
this includes bridesmaids they don’t like, family members who are being overly
demanding or aggravating either the bride or groom, and vendors who are rude.
This rule isn’t too surprising given that politeness is expected in society;
however, a Maid of Honor has a special place in a wedding and is often viewed
as a semi-representative of the bride, especially if the bride is running the
show with no wedding planner. Therefore, it’s particularly important that a
Maid of Honor always be on her best behavior.
She should keep her opinions about the couple to herself and
smile: nobody wants to know if she thinks the bride and groom shouldn’t get
married or won’t last long, if the décor is satisfactory, or what she would have
done to plan the wedding.
She should accept whatever dress and accessories the bride
selects: remember “27 Dresses”? In that role, Katherine Heigel states something
along the lines of “It’s their day. I want to be there for my friends; if they
want me to wear a silly dress, what do I care?” This should be every Maid of
Honor’s modus operandi.
This doesn’t mean that a bride can’t ask her Maid of Honor
to help select bridesmaid dresses or that the Maid of Honor can’t provide a
gentle, honest opinion about which dress she prefers. What it DOES mean,
however, is that the Maid of Honor can’t throw a fit about a bride’s choice or
have specific requirements (long, short, one-shoulder) about the dress. Think
of it this way: the Maid of Honor doesn’t know every aspect of the wedding, how
would she know what dress will fit best with the wedding’s atmosphere and décor?
She should do what is expected or asked of by the bride –
provided she has agreed: this includes throwing a bridal shower and organizing
a bachelorette party, if the bride so desires. It also includes completing any
tasks that she has willingly taken upon herself. Note: “willingly taken upon”.
This means that she must complete, in a timely manner, those tasks that she has
agreed to perform – meaning, in turn, that the bride must ASK her for
assistance or she must offer her help.
She should be available on the day of the wedding: this
essentially means being at the bride’s beck-and-call. Although a Maid of Honor
may have family members, children, or a date, what comes first on the day of
the wedding is the bride. Anyone accompanying her should understand this. This
may mean that her children need a babysitter or at the very least to have
someone specifically assigned to caring for them.
She should be timely: please, please, please, be on time. It
sets the example for the rest of the bridesmaids and helps the bride be on
time. This is respectful of the bride’s hard work in creating a timeline so
that her day goes off without a hitch.
She should be happy: if she can’t be happy for the couple or
can’t stop focusing on herself, she never should have accepted being a Maid of
Honor.
Reviewing all these “shoulds” reveals a common link:
selflessness. A Maid of Honor is, first and foremost, selfless when it comes to
helping the bride both before and on the wedding day.
So, what is a bride to do if she learns that her Maid of Honor
is less than desirable? Talk to her calmly and gently, explaining what she
would like and how she’d prefer her planning with her Maid of Honor to
progress. If the Maid of Honor isn’t receptive, it might be time to appoint
another (either in addition to or in lieu of) bridesmaid to the job who the
bride believes might be more helpful.
