Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Wedding Freak Out

Whether caused by an in-box full of emails, a review of the budget or an inability to find the perfect favor, every couple has a wedding freak out. Often times, this freak out manifests itself in indecisiveness or a fight. Sometimes, couples become so overwhelmed that they simply refuse to do anything at all regarding their wedding.

Last year, I married. My freak out occurred two days before my and my husband’s wedding, when FedEx called five times about delivering a set of linen napkins, Pottery Barn called six times to see if FedEx had called and my husband politely informed me that two of the most important names in our programs were misspelled (read: rush program reprinting). My in-laws were sitting in my living room, so I couldn’t scream out loud, but I sure let a yell loose in my head. (I congratulate my husband for keeping his cool.)

It’s understandable to freak out. Usually, it’s the result of being overwhelmed with too much to do, family members asking too much, the necessity of changing original plans and becoming frustrated at the difficulty of balancing vendor visits and working full time. The pressure of wedding planning can blast over a couple in a nanosecond or slowly grow until it explodes. Regardless of its impetus or arrival, however, we planners know when it happens.

You can try to hide, but, trust us, we know.

How do we know? Everything grinds to a halt. Nothing gets done and any responses we receive are terse. Don’t worry about that, we understand.

How do we fix it? We keep planning. That’s right. We work behind the scenes and wait, patiently, for you to return. Sometimes, you take a day or two, sometimes a week, but you always return.

Wedding planning is stressful. It requires ridiculous amounts or organization, scheduling and preciseness. It’s the one time in their lives when couples worry about what hundreds of people will eat and drink, where they will sit and what music they will dance to. It’s the one time in their lives when everyone tells them what to do, but do not help – at least not productively. It’s the one time when the one person they lean on the most in their lives – their fiancĂ© – is just as stressed as they are. It’s the one time in their lives when they turn to a personal employee – their wedding planner – for help.

We here at HJ don’t take a freak out too seriously – they happen while planning each and every wedding and are nothing more than a slight bump in the road. We understand that our job is to let you have that freak out and smile when you return; we know that our job is to never, ever mention that freak out again, because doing so is pointless.

But, if you lack a wedding planner, the best advice we can give is to let that freak out happen. Yell and scream (preferably not at someone), punch a pillow or go for a run and take a break from planning for a few days. When you finally return to your charts and lists you’ll be refreshed and have a better perspective on whatever tipped you over the edge.

Or, if you’re like me, you could get out those linen napkins and use them at dinner as a reminder that freak outs happen and are nothing to beat yourself up about.