One
of the most stressful tasks of wedding planning is creating the guest list.
Where to draw the line and why are rules that most couples struggle with, and
jobs that each approaches differently. Some ask for help while others wade
through the spreadsheet, paperwork, or other list format on their own.
When
asked for advice by our couples, we typically state that it’s necessary to set
limitations and values. However, these limitations and values are vastly
different than the ones that people set in other areas of their life.
In
addition to having different definitions, these terms provide couples with
reasons to give to (somewhat rude) guests or (inquiring into why they or other
people weren’t invited, or (simply curious) family members wanting to know why
the lines for the list have been drawn where they were.
Limitations
Establishing
limitations for a wedding guest list is not the same as establishing boundaries
for your life. Sure, the two are similar, but when it comes to the former (your
guest list), the term has MANY more definitions:
The
size of your ceremony site and reception venue. Your ceremony site and
reception venue can likely only accommodate so many guests, limiting how many
people you can add to your guest list. This is the most basic limitation, and the
one that can be most easily relied upon and used as an explanation for why you
chose to pare down your guest list or not invite certain individuals.
The
size of your budget. It wouldn’t be a Bridal Times Blog Post without a mention of
your budget, right? Unless you’ve an unlimited budget, which is rare, the
amount of money you have at your disposal to spend on your wedding dictates the
size of your guest list. Your budget has to stretch to accommodate everything;
inviting too many people may mean you have to skimp in other areas. For this limitation,
a simple statement that your funds wouldn’t stretch enough to accommodate everyone
can answer any inquiry into why the guest list is planned as it is.
How
much you want to handle. A larger guest list equals more people to manage,
which equals more for you to plan prior to your wedding and oversee on the day
itself. If you’re uninterested in extensive amounts of planning, you might want
to keep your guest list small. Most guests understand an unwillingness to go
overboard on planning or add to your stress levels.
Who
is adding names to the list. Are you and your fiancé responsible for creating
the list or are family members submitting names? If the latter, are those
family members also contributing financially to the wedding? If so, you might
find that the line you draw for the guest list must land in a different place –
a place that may require you to move some of the people you added to the list
off it. It’s perfectly acceptable to say that your family member’s guest
requests needed to be accommodated on the guest list, limiting your invitees.
Values
Like
limitations, the term “values” also has multiple definitions when it comes to
wedding planning:
What
your wedding means to you. When you envision your wedding do you conjure images
of everyone you’ve ever known celebrating your or a small affair only involving
family and very close friends? Seriously consider what you want your wedding to
be and how you want to remember it before you create a six-page long guest
list. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell guests that you and your future spouse
wanted a smaller affair.
How
you want to distribute your wedding budget. If flowers and really fancy food
mean a lot to you, you might find that you’re unable to invite a large number of
guests. Explaining to family members that you wanted to spend your money somewhere
other than having a large number of guests often quells their inquisitiveness.
The
size of your potential guest list. Couples with large families on both sides
and extensive numbers of close friends may find that their guest list is
literally unending. A large number of potential invitees may require drawing
the line in the sand a lot closer than you originally intended just to make the
invitee list easier. If having a small wedding is the only way you know how to
keep your guest list under control, say so – friends and family members who
truly know you and the size of your list of acquaintances will understand.
Every
couple needs to create a guest list; and every couple needs to decide where to
draw the line that dictates who lands on and off that list. Considering what
really matters to you as a couple can help not only create the list, but
provide you with valid reasons for why your list stands as it does.
