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Whether a child is ready to act as a flower girl or ring
bearer is perhaps the most important consideration when selecting him or her to
participate in your nuptials. We wish we could give you a hard-and-fast rule
about the age when a child will make it down the aisle. But, as you know from
our previous post “Girls Cry, Boys Freeze”, we can’t. We’ve seen two year olds
make it down the aisle without a hitch and have had six year olds freeze at the
end of the aisle upon realizing that all eyes are turned their way.
What we can recommend, however, is considering:
The child’s age: normally, the older the child the better
because this increases the likelihood of his or her making it down the aisle
and decreases the chances of a tantrum.
The child’s personality: shy children are less likely to
make it down the aisle, or at least not without some moments of fright.
We know that these considerations are very general. However,
without knowing the child or the child’s relationship to the couple it’s
impossible to determine whether a child should participate in a wedding.
However, the fact of the matter is that, unfortunately, some children just
aren’t ready and shouldn’t be asked to act as ring bearer or flower girl.
This sentence is never an easy one to say, and is sometimes
impossible to relay to parents of youngsters expecting their beloved child to
be involved in your ceremony. Note the use of “parents”. I use that word
because the people most likely to be upset about their child not participating
in your wedding are the child’s parents or your other family members. Several of
our couples have admitted to asking children who are not ready to participate
in a wedding to act as a flower girl or ring bearer to avoid arguments with
family members.
While our couples know best, we have been asked how to
address the issue of why a child is not being asked to participate in a
wedding. In these circumstances, we recommend calling upon:
The church or ceremony location’s rules: having a limited
amount of time for your ceremony is a good reason to exclude sometimes
slow-walking children.
Having a small wedding party to avoid stress: wrangling more
attendants is always more stressful than managing a few. Not having children
involved in your wedding is entirely acceptable if your wedding party is small.
Not having any other children in the wedding: if you decide
that one child isn’t old enough to participate, you might have to not have children
in your wedding at all.
Asking the parents whether the child is ready to
participate: starting a conversation about the child’s abilities to walk down
the aisle often leads parents to the (correct) conclusion that he or she can’t.
Although the parents might not admit it then and there, many couples have
received phone calls a day or two later in which the parents say that they don’t
think their child is ready.
If you really can’t get out of asking a child to participate
in your wedding despite knowing that he or she isn’t ready, we recommend not
having the child walk down the aisle. Instead, have him or her be carried by
his parents during the processional or even when family members are seated.
Guests will still know the child’s special designation by their attire and
mention in your program.
