A
question we’ve received lately is how many bridesmaids a bride should have and
whether there is there a ‘normal’ amount? And, what are my bridesmaid’s responsibilities?
The
quick answer: there is no ‘normal’ amount. You should have as many as you would
like, as makes sense, and is reasonable.
Once,
I was an attendant in a wedding with 11 bridesmaids. Although having that many
ladies together before the wedding to celebrate the bride was fun, organizing
that many was a pain. Not only was the processional extra long (the pianist had
to play three songs while the bridesmaids were walking down the aisle), but none
of the church’s pews were large enough to hold us – requiring us taking up two
pews and pushing back where guest seating began even further (a problem in a
big wedding). There also wasn’t enough room at the altar for all of us to
stand. Despite the minister’s recommendation that we create an ‘arc’, our group
ended up looking like a messy mass of ladies at the front of the church. Most disappointingly,
this mass prevented me from seeing the couple during the ceremony.
Moreover,
this couple decided that they wanted symmetry, and that they therefore needed
11 groomsmen. I remember hearing that the groom struggled to find 11 men he
wanted to participate in his nuptials.
Another
time, I was one of three bridesmaids. The smaller size of the bridal party didn’t
make it any easier to wrangle because the other two bridesmaids were pretty
uninterested in being involved in the wedding. The altar was also too small for
three bridesmaids and I ended up standing behind a tree, once again missing the
ceremony.
You
see, it’s not the number of bridesmaids that matters. Rather, it’s the logic of
that number. Here’s what goes into that logic:
The
size of the altar: if it’s small, it’s unlikely that the altar will accommodate
a large number of bridesmaids. This requires you to seat you ladies during the ceremony,
possibly taking up the first few pews that are normally set aside for family.
The
length of your aisle: planning a long walk? Remember that each of your
bridesmaids also need to make that trek. If you’ve a lot of attendants,
consider sending them down the aisle in pairs to cut down on the amount of
walking time and ensure that your ceremony stays on schedule.
Dressing
your ladies: more ladies = more opinions. Be prepared to make a semi-autocratic
decision when it’s time to dictate what your attendants will wear on your big
day.
Gifting
to your ladies: more ladies = more ‘thank you gifts’ = more $. Can your budget
handle thanking a double-digit-sized bridal party?
Pre-wedding
plans: most brides like to spend time with their attendants before they walk
down the aisle. We encourage this, finding that it’s a great way to have some
fun and calm a bride’s nerves. But, remember that the larger the party, the
more people you have to organize and fit into a space together. If you plan on
having your dozen bridesmaids with you as you dress, you might need a suite and
not a small hotel room.
The
number of groomsmen your fiancé plans on having: if you want symmetry at the
altar, you’ll need to ensure that your groom can conjure up men to match your
ladies.
The
people you actually want in your wedding party: yes, it’s tons of fun to have
yourself and your relationship be the center of attention around the time of
your wedding. However, everyone is celebrating you no matter what, so it may be
unnecessary to have every single one of your friends, cousins, and female
family members as a bridesmaid. People who might appreciate being excluded from
being invited to be a bridesmaid:
Mothers
of young children: they’re busy and might like being able to care for their
child prior to the ceremony.
Friends
or family members who are in school: participating in a wedding can be
expensive. Students might find the cost of a dress, accessories and the
celebrations in your honor beyond their reach.
Friends
who don’t know your other bridesmaids: being the odd-man-out can be
uncomfortable. If, for example, you met all but one of your bridesmaids in your
sorority, you might consider whether the one friend you met elsewhere will
really have fun standing by your side, or if she’ll feel out-of-place.
Our
advice is to choose the number of attendants that your wedding can accommodate
and to surround yourself with ladies who will be joyful, helpful, and kind on
your wedding day.
