How Real are Bridal TV Shows?

Wouldn't it be nice to click your heels and have your wedding planned?

At some time in her life, almost every woman has watched a bridal-focused television show. Regardless of whether that show focused on buying a wedding or bridesmaid dress, followed planners as they worked, or was a reality, do-it-yourself program, it was likely a highly sensationalized account of the wedding planning process.

We here at HJ are rarely asked about the reality of bridal television shows, but we wish that were different. The fact of the matter is that bridal TV shows do not portray the truth of the wedding planning process.

Planning a wedding is hard work – trust us. There are innumerable phone calls made to vendors, dozens of visits to venues and shops, and approximately 50 emails every week about some aspect of the event. There are budgets, checklists and timelines, hundreds of people to coordinate, and details galore that need to be nailed down at least a week before a couple ties the knot.

Wedding television shows do not portray much, if any, of that. They don’t portray the need to create an Excel document for your guest list that contains every single invitee’s response and meal choice. They don’t portray the ways to handle unreasonable requests from family members or the all-imperative need to stay on budget. They most certainly don’t portray the difficulty in juggling working full-time, enjoying an engagement, and remaining connected to family, friends and a fiancé all while planning a wedding. (They also usually don’t portray the numbers of bottles of wine that are imbibed during the planning process.)

Bridal TV shows portray the dramatic and fun parts of wedding planning. True, those parts exist in planning a wedding, but so do the other, more stressful parts.

I realize that I’ve probably scared you at this moment, which is only slightly what I meant to do. Truthfully, my goal is to tell you that what you see on TV is rarely the case for most weddings. Understanding this fact can help you prepare for what you will encounter when you start planning your wedding.

It’s important to understand that planning a wedding is hard work. It requires dedication and hours of work each week. Most importantly, it requires energy and effort. At some point in the planning process almost every couple we work with tells us just how tired they are. It’s no wonder – all the phone calls, details to consider and decisions to make are exhausting!

If you want to learn just what you will face when planning your wedding, consider sitting down with a wedding planner or, at the very least, a recent bride. An open, honest conversation about the tasks necessary to pull off the event of your dreams may be eye-opening.

Go ahead and watch those shows – and have fun doing it. Just remember that what you see is rarely what happens off-screen. When you start planning, you’ll find that you have a seemingly endless to-do list…which is when you should seriously start considering hiring a planner.

Monday's Meeting: Jessica George

Jessica George, Event Coordinator, knows that personal touches make an event. Caring and efficient, she helps clients simplify and enjoy the planning process. Her many years in the hospitality industry have given her an edge in event design and logistics. With an eye for detail and a knack for pulling it all together, she makes your special day truly yours.

What is your favorite part of being an event coordinator? 

I love the excitement of the event, but particularly to see a couple’s “story” unfold through what they have planned.

Is there one common piece of advice you give to all brides?

Don’t miss your own day. Every bride should enjoy her day with friends and family.  So many brides think back and only see a blur – so it’s important to stop and smell the roses (calla lilies, orchids, or whatever your bridal bouquet consists of!) and celebrate the one you love with the ones you love. 

What was the most unexpected circumstance you encountered while planning a wedding?

Every wedding has its surprises, but if you are good at your job as a planner, you come prepared, know what to anticipate, and can roll with the punches. To me, the measure of a successful wedding is not whether everything went perfectly, but that it seems like it did. If there is an issue I worry about it, not the couple or their guests!

What do you wish more couples would do while planning their weddings?

Create time for themselves. It’s a busy and long day: do not over schedule. Make sure you get at least a few minutes with just the two of you to just “be”. This means padding your timeline so that you don’t feel rushed and can truly enjoy everything.

What is the one thing you love that couples include in their wedding?

I love when couples continue or start a tradition. Taking a few minutes to really be in the moment and do something personal reinforces the importance of the day and what it really means. This can be simple: writing each other a note and reading it with a promise to add to it every anniversary, or toasting a loved one who has passed and acknowledging that they are still a part of the day. A song¸ a specific type of wine, or whatever means something to the couple - something that they can take forward through their lives - that will remind them of their day can be the most memorable and important part of a wedding, not only for the couple, but also for the guest.

What is the biggest budget blunder you see most brides commit?

It’s a 3-way tie. First, couples have to have a budget and be honest about what they can afford. The word “budget” typically scares people because they view it as “deprivation”. If couples look at a budget as what they can do as opposed to what they can’t, the planning process is much more pleasant.

Second, couples need to “pick their poison”. There are so many ideas out there and a wedding means needing to make so many decisions. Couples need to identify their priority. Are they foodies? Are they really into music? Is it important that their guests feel at home? Do they want to go for glamour? Couples need to decide what’s important to them and splurge there, if necessary. Everywhere else, they know what their resources are and can work within them.

Third, this new trend of DIY is great, but can be a lot more costly and time consuming than expected. Make sure your DIY doesn’t become a DYI (do yourself in). 

What is the most essential tool you use to plan a wedding?

The timeline and my phone - I need to make sure everything and everyone is coming together. If it’s not, that it will be in the next five minutes!

Do you have any pre- or post-wedding rituals?

I like to think that I must have been a boy scout in my last life because I always like to “be prepared”. Before a wedding, I make sure I have everything in my bag to fix any situation that may arise.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever had to do for a bride or groom?

There’s no such thing on someone’s wedding day!

What is the most difficult part of event design?

For me, it’s getting too hung up on something. I’m a visual person, so it usually helps for me to select few options, set them aside and keep coming back to them. This is also what I recommend couples do when making decisions. If not, it’s easy to end up overwhelmed and make a decision just to check something off the list. 

Is there any advice about event design that you wish all couples knew?

You would be surprised how well you can mesh two styles, especially if you keep it in the same color family. Try different things together and, if you have a theme in mind, remember that a little goes a long way. Too much of a good thing gets kitschy; use colors and simple details to tie everything together.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

Most people have never coordinated a large scale event before. It’s hard to know where to start and how to go about it. That’s why I recommend hiring a planner. A good event coordinator can pay for themselves with experience, connections, discounts, and even salvaging your sanity. If it simply is not do-able, consult some checklists for when to address different aspects of planning your wedding. Undertake each step one at a time and, if you start to get overwhelmed, come back to it later. Enjoy the process and each other!

Did a vendor hurt your feelings?

In the event planning industry, it’s common knowledge that, to survive, you must have a thick skin. However, it’s not common knowledge that this rule also applies to individuals delving into the industry for a short period of time. Yes, that’s right, couples, too, must have thick skin when planning their wedding.

The wedding planning industry is high-pressure. Professionals in it are under constant pressure to conjure up new ideas, make those ideas work no matter how revolutionary or unusual, and remain within budget while doing so. They are also required to interpret visions, fix problems, put out the “fires” of unexpected disasters, cater to the needs of 150+ guests at a wedding and make sure that every legally required step for a couple to marry is met prior to their walk down the aisle.

With all that on their plate (plus LOTS more not listed), it’s not surprising that some vendors say or do something and upset a couple. As planners, it’s our job to avoid this from affecting our clients; but, since we don’t work for every soon-to-be-married couple, we still feel it’s important to discuss why this happens and what to do after it occurs.

Why vendors lash out:

1. They’re overworked. Vendors work for multiple couples at the same time. Although most make efforts to not overextend themselves, they sometimes have days where everyone seems to want everything at the same time. This means that they may lash out due to their being frustrated at what’s going on with another event.
2. They’re embarrassed. Nobody is perfect, including vendors. Some people respond to having made a mistake better than others. Sometimes, a vendor can become embarrassed by their mistake and defend themselves unnecessarily.
3. They’re worried about how to make something happen. Vendors are not miracle workers, and are limited by time and the laws of physics.
4. They’ve got their eye on the bottom line. Vendors are excited about your day, but also need to make money. Constant demands for items that exceed their initial proposal and your budget can make them worried about their profit margins.
5. They’re confused. Last minute changes can cause frustration and confusion – two things that rarely lead to a calm vendor.

None of these five reasons are excuses for lashing out at a couple, just explanations. Many times, understanding what emotion is causing the problem can help resolve it.  

How to handle an upset vendor:

1. Count to five. Do you want to calm someone down ASAP? The best remedy for any upset person is to look them in the eye, remain absolutely quiet and count to five. You’ll likely only reach three before they apologize. Beware, though, this same trick often leads to being called “intimidating”.
2. Clearly and succinctly state that the “behavior is unacceptable.” That simple sentence forces even the most irate individual to make a complete 180 attitude turn.
3. Ask that the vendor state and explain the problem. This instruction usually causes the vendor to realize that the problem isn’t really one as large as they believe or even a problem at all. Many times, all a vendor needs to do is analyze what is going on to calm down.
4. Direct that the vendor look for solutions and respond to you in 48-72 hours. By leaving the vendor alone for awhile you allow them to work out the problem on their own. At the end of the period, you’ll either receive a statement of the plan to implement precisely what you want or a nice explanation of why the laws of physics or your budget are prohibitive.

Essentially, when it comes to handling a vendor who hurt your feelings, less is more; less speaking and engaging with them while they are upset on your part puts you in control of the situation.

Now, none of this means that an abusive, neglectful or dismissive vendor is acceptable. You are paying a vendor for their service, which means that they should deliver as contractually obligated to. If you believe that the vendor’s lashing out at you is a threat to how they will deliver on your wedding day, seriously consider whether they are worth retaining. But firing a vendor, readers, is a topic for another day.

Monday's Meeting: Audrey Jones

Audrey Jones, Event Coordinator, prides herself on her organizational skills as well as her ability to immediately see the big picture of a client’s vision for their wedding. A former lawyer and current author, she ensures that every client’s day contains the creative elements and organization necessary for any successful event. Audrey has a B.A. from Trinity University and J.D.  from Stetson University College of Law, 

and is a member of the Florida Bar.

What is your favorite part of being an event coordinator?

The organization! I love scheduling, organizing and planning everything down to the last minute; it’s so exciting to watch everything come together on the day of.

Is there one common piece of advice you give to all couples?

Don’t lose sight of what you’re really doing: getting married. The ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day; everything else is amazingly fun and a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but it pales in comparison to the commitment you are making to each other.

What was the most unexpected circumstance you encountered while planning a wedding?

It wasn’t when I was planning a wedding, but at my wedding: a guest showed up with a dog in her purse to our reception. It was unexpected, but absolutely fine – the hotel brought the dog food and water and it barely made a peep. In fact, the pooch is in our large family photo from that night, which makes the picture more unique.

What do you wish more couples would do while planning their weddings?

Think seriously about what they and guests will remember and dedicate time and energy to those things. As upsetting as it may be, things like menus or a brilliant cake topper are fun, but rarely what you recall from the day. Focus instead on a great band or photographer to make your day truly memorable.

What is the one thing you love that couples include in their wedding?

Without a doubt it’s personalized favors. I love favors that are monogrammed, and not only because I LOVE all monogrammed things. Cookies, chocolates or notepads with the couples names and initials are always something guests love.

What is the biggest budget blunder you see most brides commit?

Not giving themselves 24 or 48 hours to think over some decisions that may put them over budget or spend money needlessly. For example, a lot of money can be saved by traveling to a hair stylist or makeup artist instead of having them travel to you. This money can be reallocated into décor or food with little inconvenience to the bride and bridal party getting ready on the day of the wedding.

What is the most essential tool you use to plan a wedding?

The checklist; it’s the best tool for keeping everyone on track and making sure everything gets done. Because it ties in with the budget – meaning that I complete it at the same time as I update a couple’s budget – it’s the starting point for all planning for me.

Do you have any pre- or post-wedding rituals?

Honestly, I sit around a lot before I work a wedding because I know I won’t be sitting or relaxing for awhile.

What aspect of a wedding could you do without?

I would be seriously upset if one of our couples smashed cake in each other’s faces. Fortunately, that hasn’t yet happened.

What is the single most important piece/item of event design for any wedding?

Many times for me it’s linens and chairs. Those two elements can really enhance florals and make other design elements, like draping and lighting, less necessary.

What were the easiest and hardest design themes you’ve had to develop?

Right now I’m pondering how to incorporate robots into a wedding. I think it’s going to be a ton of fun!

What is the most difficult part of event design?

Knowing when to stop. Event design is amazing and really allows a couple’s personality to shine, but it’s important to avoid overkill.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

I love working with HJ; I never imagined I’d have such a great group of women to spend so much time with while working such a fun job.

Also, here are two photos of my dog, who is incredible and the best dog in the world. I'm lobbying for him to become HJ's mascot. 

Friday Top Five: Save-the-Date Vendors

1. Letteringby Lynne: With literally thousands of options, you’re sure to find a save-the-date you love. Moreover, with Lynne’s creativity and perfectionism (she won’t stop editing until she is just as happy with the final product as you are!), you’re likely to fall just as much in love with your save-the-dates as you are with your fiancé.
2. Charmed:  HJ’s stationary line provides modern, eye-catching save-the-dates for any location. These postcards portray the city of your wedding’s skyline on the front and your wedding day information on the back. The save-the-dates are completely customizable in color and font.
3. Shutterfly: Notify your guests with a save the date portraying one or more of your favorite photos. The best part is that the company will even address and send the cards for you. Talk about easy!  
4. Libby Lane Press: This sweet company offers save-the-dates that are as cute as they are informative.
5. PaperSource: Are you creative? This store offers literally two entire walls packed with paper in every color, size, shape and thickness. Combine any of the options that hit your fancy, toss them through your printer and, voila! You’ve got save-the-dates that truly fit the definition of “customized”.