Although
the heartfelt sentiments shared in a toast given at a rehearsal dinner or
wedding reception are usually endearing, there are a few instances when the
contents of toasts have made us cringe. Today, we provide advice on how to give
a good wedding toast.
Nothing
secret or private.
A
toast is not the time to share something that the couple would not like their
closest family members and friends (much less the vendors and employees they’ve
hired to help at their reception) knowing. A good rule of thumb is the “public knowledge”
test: if you’re not sure whether the couple would appreciate something you
want to say being public knowledge, don’t say it. Note that this rule applies
to the couple’s feelings of privacy,
and not your own.
Keep
it short.
Toasts
are a wonderful way to share short memories, anecdotes, and advice, but are not
the main purpose of a wedding reception. Keeping your toast on the short side allows
guests to enjoy the food and experience the entertainment the couple spent so
much time selecting and organizing for them. No longer than about seven minutes
is a good guideline.
Only
speak when invited.
Giving
a toast is a privilege extended from the couple to specific members of their
families or friends. If you’re not asked to speak, don’t ask for time behind
the microphone.
Focus
on the couple.
The
day, after all, is about the couple, and so should be any toasts given in their
honor. Therefore, steer clear of stories that involve other guests, regardless
of whether present at the reception. Doing so avoids conflict, particularly
conflict that may affect the bride and groom.
Avoid
controversy.
Political
or religious views shouldn’t be expressed in a toast. There’s no way of knowing
who shares your views or how you might anger those guests who do not.
No
exes.
Mentioning
prior relationships, girlfriends or boyfriends in a wedding-related toast is
always a no-no. Remember, the day is about the couple, not their dating history.
Don’t
disparage the wedding or marriage in general.
Making
disparaging remarks about marriage at a wedding reception is rude – it tells
the couple that you do not agree with their decision. It’s also advisable to
not comment on any elements of the wedding. For example, although you might not
like fish, the couple put thought and effort into each of their decisions.
Write
down what you want to say and practice.
Giving
time and consideration to what you will say and writing it down not only
ensures that you won’t violate any of these guidelines, but also helps you
remain calm and focused while giving your toast. There’s absolutely nothing
wrong with having a sheet of paper in your hand while toasting the happy couple.
Don’t
drink too much.
Yes,
you might be nervous about giving a toast, but having more than a drink or two prior
to standing before the crowd opens you up to flubbing or making mistakes. Refrain
from imbibing too much before giving your toast to avoid saying or doing something
you regret.
